"Not happy doesn't even begin to cover it," he muttered, setting down the paper so he could set about fixing his coffee. His breakfast, he hadn't touched; caffeine he'd been mainlining like it was going out of style. He took a swig of it, wincing at the heat of it as it slid down his throat, and then louder, "But hey. You know where I can get a magazine that isn't, like, Better Homes and Gardens or friggen Newsweek and I'll give it a shot."

Maybe he'd have better luck with a magazine. Probably not, but you couldn't blame a guy for hoping, however fleeting that hope was.